This article is from the the official alt.spleen FAQ, by Andrew Stellman with numerous contributions by others.
Andrew says: NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANY MAIL TO ME REQUESTING MEDICAL ADVICE! I AM NOT A DOCTOR, AND WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY USEFUL INFORMATION.
Ah, one of the Great Questions of Our Time. Here's the best solution that has been proposed to date:
"...just bring it out to your local forest preserve which is overpopulated with squirrels. Then say the following word: 'spleetzi' At this point drop the spleen (WARNING: do not bend over to set it down, just drop the damn thing) and then run like hell. Hopefully your car isn't far away, so you can jump in (Check the seat first before sitting down) and speed off. Within ten seconds, the location you were just at will be overrun with squirrles. They'll devour the spleen you left, leaving no trace of it. One more thing: If anybody asks, you did NOT hear this from me."
If you are going to take this advice, please keep in mind that we absolutely, postitvely did *not* hear it from Keith McGrath (firstname.lastname@example.org).