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5.1 I'd like to reveal my spanking interests to my partner but am afraid of being rebuffed. What should I do?

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This article is from the Spanking FAQ, by Redman@cris.com (C-Red) with numerous contributions by others.

5.1 I'd like to reveal my spanking interests to my partner but am afraid of being rebuffed. What should I do?

There are actually multiple answers to this question, depending on the
source of your nervousness.

First, keep in mind that if spanking is a sexual turn on for you, it should
be treated as any other sexual turn on should be treated in your
relationship. If it's 'too early' for you to be talking about sex at all,
it's probably too early for you to be talking about spanking.

However, assuming you're already talking about sex, what special things
should you do to talk about spanking as a part of sexplay?

First, you should try to be relaxed over your desires. If you seem too
nervous, your partner might pick up on your nervousness, and react badly to
it.

Keep in mind that playful swats are exchanged in many 'normal'
relationships; what you're asking about is just more of this 'normal'
playfulness that couples engage in. Also keep in mind that every step of
your play will be consensual, so no one will be forced into something s/he
dislikes.

Because of these two items, you have no reason to feel bad about asking for
spanking play, in particular. There is some reason to be nervous that your
partner will refuse to engage in spanking play at all; that's a danger of
asking for any form of sexual expression. While it can be painful to find
that you can not engage in your favorite fantasies with someone you love,
it is nevertheless one of the risks of any relationship and any fantasy.

But what if you've approached everything well, and your partner still
reacts badly? Well, try to figure out why you got a bad reaction.

Your partner or someone close to your partner may have been spanked or
beaten as a child, and talk about spanking might open those bad memories
back up. In this case, make sure your partner realizes that you were
talking about playful spankings, not real ones, and then try to let the
subject drop for the time being unless your partner wants to discuss it
further.

It's also possible that your partner doesn't have severe emotional problems
with spankings, but simply considers spankings as sexplay 'weird' or
'sick'. In this case, you have to decide if the relationship is worth
continuing. A warning: while people are often irrational about what is
'proper' sexplay, that irrationality should not splash back onto you! If
your partner decides that spanking is not good sexplay, that's one thing;
if your partner considers YOU to be 'sick' for wanting to engage in
spanking play, there's something seriously wrong with your relationship.
Partners should not consider each other's desires to be sick, even if they
don't want to engage in them personally.

 

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