12 She Wrote Me She Wrote Me She Wrote Me!! Omigod What Do I Do?
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This article is from the Internet Personals: Advice for Straights FAQ, by Dean Esmay esmay@syndicomm.com with numerous contributions by others.
12 She Wrote Me She Wrote Me She Wrote Me!! Omigod What Do I Do?
Simmer down. All the lady did was decide your ad was interesting
and send you some e-mail. She's not ready to jump into your arms and
have your baby. She's just given you a nibble. It's up to you to
make it work from here. And remember, if this doesn't work out,
there WILL be others, if you have a good ad and are just patient!
Here are some important things to keep in mind:
Don't question it: She IS interested in you, or she wouldn't have
answered your ad. So, get over your insecurities. She's a woman
looking for a man, and you sound interesting to her. Now you just
have to see whether you're interested in her, and whether there's
enough of what she wants in you to sustain her interest.
But here's the important thing: BE PATIENT. Yeah, once you get a
response, you have to be patient AGAIN.
DON'T push to get her phone number. DON'T push for a face-to-face
meeting. DON'T whine to her about your personal problems with women.
DON'T talk about sex or anything of that nature.
Instead, be friendly, and be polite. Ask her about herself, and tell
a bit more about yourself. Ask her questions. Encourage her to ask
you about anything she might be curious about. Find out about her
without being nosy -- don't ask for her address, or where she works
(but asking what town she lives in is probably okay).
DON'T pester her with lots of e-mail. Let her explore who you are at
her own pace. If she takes a couple of days to respond to one of
your letters, sit on your fingers and WAIT. If it's been more than
three or four days, you might try ONE letter to the effect of "hey,
where'd you go?" but that's IT. If you don't hear anything more,
either she doesn't want to talk to you, or she's not reading her
e-mail anymore, or she's just busy.
Keep this in mind: it's scary for a woman to go away for a few days
and to come back and find a dozen plaintive, "Oh, where oh where did
you go?" letters. It just makes you look desperate and weird.
All in all, the most important thing to remember in this situation is
that it is EASY TO SCARE A WOMAN AWAY. If she thinks you're a
weirdo, or a psychotic, or a pathetic, lonely loser, she's going to
walk away. (And by the way, if you ARE a pathetic, lonely loser,
STOP IT. Find something else to do with your time and realize that
the only way you're going to get a woman is if you stop assuming
you'll never get one.)
Now, besides all this, you need to remember something even more
important: you BOTH need time for a relationship to develop, so you
actually have something to talk about when finally you do meet.
Rushing to meet someone and suddenly finding you have nothing to talk
about can be very uncomfortable.
If you are an impatient man, you might as well not bother advertising.
You'll get nowhere.
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