11 Okay, Brother, That'S All Well And Good. But How About SpecificTips For Men?
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This article is from the Internet Personals: Advice for Straights FAQ, by Dean Esmay esmay@syndicomm.com with numerous contributions by others.
11 Okay, Brother, That'S All Well And Good. But How About SpecificTips For Men?
Glad you asked.
Okay men, we have a problem. We outnumber the women, and most of the
ones out there don't like to post. So we have to overcome those odds.
How?
More than anything else, you need to write and post your own ad.
Mind you, there's nothing WRONG with responding to a woman's ad. I've
heard from two (yes, TWO!) men who answered just one ad each, and
subsequently wound up getting engaged to the ladies they responded
to. So obviously it can work. But if you answer a woman's ad,
remember that responses which offer no information do not prompt
anyone to write back. If a woman gets a response that says nothing
but, "Hi I'm interested write me" she will most likely toss it out.
Also, keep in mind that women who post ads are routinely inundated
with responses, especially if they post anywhere in the
alt.personals.* heirarchy. So, if you're going to answer someone's
ad, go to the trouble to make yourself sound interesting enough to
respond to. Even then, remember that she's probably had lots of
responses, and you aren't the only one trying to get her attention.
While I don't say you shouldn't answer a woman's ad, you need to
remember all of the above, and realize that the odds are probably
against you. What you also need to keep in mind is this:
The most wonderful woman in the world may be out there scanning for
ads looking for someone just like you, but because YOU never
advertised, SHE will never find you. Most women don't post ads, and
she may be one of them, so you need to put up an ad if you want her
to find you!
When you DO post an ad, try to keep the following in mind:
1) Follow all the advice I have given above. That's all very
important.
2) Don't sound desperate. This actually goes for both sexes, but
especially for men. The old rule is very true: the harder you look
for a girlfriend, the harder one will be to find. Be patient, and
avoid sounding pathetic, excessively horny, or desperate. IT WILL
NOT HELP.
3) Be patient. One ad may net you no responses at all. If you're
extremely lucky, you may get as many as a dozen responses. More
likely, you will get from one to three.
4) Be prepared to post your ad again. Do NOT expect one ad to get
you lots of responses. Instead, prepare yourself for a bit of a
wait. Post your ad once, and see what happens. Wait a couple of
weeks, and post it again. You may want to "tweak" or fine tune it
each time you re-post it. If you aren't getting many responses, you
may want to re-write it. But in any case, keep posting it until you
get a response.
The readership of personals ads, especially of the alt.personals.*
hierarchy, changes on a regular basis. An enormous number of women
read personal ads, but some only do it once in a while. Even those
who read regularly might not notice an ad the first few times it
appears. Some may be interested in your ad but not be able to work up
the courage at first -- but if they see your ad enough times, maybe
eventually they will work up the courage and respond.
The thing to remember is that the audience is NOT static. There is a
constant influx of new women, and there's a constant outflow, too.
And a woman may need to see your ad more than once before she
responds. So remember, you may not find anyone at first, but if
you're patient and you keep at it, chances are good you'll eventually
get some nibbles.
5) Don't post your ad too often. This may seem a contradiction, but
it's not. If people see ad after ad from you, you may look desperate
or stupid. At the very least, you'll be annoying people. Also, it
can take as long as two weeks for a message to be completely
distributed to all Usenet sites, so don't post much more often than
that.
TO SUM IT ALL UP: write a good, creative, intelligent, and thoughtful
ad that's specific about what you do and don't want. Take all the
space you need to get it right, but no more; remember that too long
is as bad as too short. Post it every couple of weeks, tweaking it
now and then, and trying various experiments to see what works and
doesn't. Be patient and the ladies will be along sooner or later to
talk to you.
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