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35. What are some web sites/books/magazines/organizations/stores/newsarchives where I can get SM information or toys, or meet people in thescene?

Headaches Begone! A Systemic Approach To Healing Your Headaches Book

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This article is from the Bondage FAQ, by numerous contributors.

35. What are some web sites/books/magazines/organizations/stores/newsarchives where I can get SM information or toys, or meet people in thescene?

This list is (permanently and congenitally) incomplete and needs all the
entries it can find--address corrections especially appreciated. Note
that I don't manage to update this list very often, and note also that
keeping track of all the BDSM enterprises in the world is too much to do
in my spare time :-) This all should get you off to an OK start, though.
Here's what's here:

1. Web sites and newsgroups 2. Nonfiction books
3. Fiction books 4. Videos
5. Magazines 6. Organizations
7. Mail-order houses *Web sites and newsgroups*
Many of the books and stores I list also have web sites; I include those
URLs in the book/store listings themselves. Yahoo has a
{http://www.yahoo.com/Society_and_Culture/Sexuality/BDSM/} BDSM page!
This is one handy place to start browsing, all right! I'm very happy
this page exists; my kudos to Yahoo for having the guts to host it. The
Society for Human Sexuality at the University of Washington has a web
page at {http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/}; it contains a Guide to
Safer Sex as well as a basic how-to of flogging. There are also various
informal BDSM web sites:

o {http://www.netcom.com/~bndgmstr/} Bondage Web & Fetish Central looks
like a fun site. o {http://www.cuffs.com/} D/S Kiosk is a damn fine site
if you are into IRC (Internet Relay Chat) at all; this is where many IRC
BDSMers coordinate their nefarious exploits.
o Steven S. Davis's {http://magenta.com/lmnop/intro.html} LMNOP Page is
worthwhile if you're interested in more from one of
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm's most prolific and worthwhile posters. o
The {http://www.alternate.com} Alternate Sources page looks like a
pretty wide-ranging resource list in itself.

These sites have PLENTY of hotlist links and should serve as fine
starting points for your kinky netsurfing. Elf Sternberg hosts the
alt.sex FAQ list; see {http://www.halcyon.com/elf/elf_sternberg.html}
his homepage for details. Trevor Jacques has a nice SM site up:
{http://SaferSM.org/SaferSM.html}.

Not specifically about SM, but good basic safe sex info:
{http://www.albany.net/~calli/aids1.html} Two of the best-known posters
to s.s.b-b in days gone by were Rosie Marquez and Laylah Martelli.
There are mirrors of their postings at
{http://www.xs4all.nl/~wijnands/rosie/rosie.htm} and
{http://www.xs4all.nl/~wijnands/laylah/laylah.html}. Other newsgroups
that are in some ways related to s.s.b-b are alt.sex.spanking (for
folks who are into that in particular), alt.sex.fetish.fashion (for
lovers of sexy clothes), alt.sex.stories (often there are SM-related
stories posted there), alt.sex.stories.bondage (sometimes there are
some here too), alt.sex.femdom (for stories and discussion about female
dominance), and so forth. And don't forget
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage,
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.fetish.latex, or
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.fetish.leather! Note for posterity: I
actually created alt.sex.stories.bondage and all three of the
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica groups I mention above, and to date I've
downloaded well over 500 stories and 10,000 pictures from the groups!
Ain't the Internet an amazing place? If you build it, they will come...
and come, and come again :-) *Nonfiction books* If you liked this FAQ,
you will very likely enjoy these books. These describe consensual SM as
I have been using the term in this FAQ, and are all excellent resources
for learning.) Pat Califia, _Sensuous Magic_ (New York, Masquerade
Books, 1993). ISBN 1-56333-131-4, softcover. Pat Califia is a legendary
writer about SM behavior and SM fantasy. This is her latest book and I
recommend it unhesitatingly. It is in my opinion hands-down the best
how-to book about SM, combining fictional vignettes with sincere,
quality information delivered as effectively as possible. If you are
into SM, you will learn from this book; and if you liked this FAQ but
want more details, this is THE BOOK for you. Order it from Good
Vibrations (see the store list below). _Different Loving_, by Gloria G.
Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs (Villard Books, New York, 1993,
ISBN 0-679-40873-8), is a thorough, non-judgmental work describing all
aspects of SM sexuality. There are hundreds of interviews and lots and
lots of accurate information. If you ever wondered whether there was
anyone out there as kinky as you, buy this book, and know you're not
alone. It's a survey, not a how-to, but there's lots of safety
information in it anyway. 539 pages! The more of it I read, the more
impressed I've become. There is a {http://gloria-brame.com/diflove.htm}
web page for this book (and for these authors). A brief and excellent
introduction to safe SM is _The Lesbian S/M Safety Guide_, edited by
Pat Califia and published by Lace Publications (an imprint of Alyson
Publications). There is information in here on everything from physical
safety to emotional issues to negotiating with bottoms to consensual
slave contracts. It's written about lesbians, but very little of the
information is actually gender-specific. Excellent. Larry Townsend's
_The Leatherman's Handbook II_. This is fairly widely available, and is
by all accounts the best resource for gay male SM information. I
personally have never read it, but it's widely known. (The first
edition is still available, but II contains more information about AIDS
and safer sex, so it's probably what you want.) _On the Safe Edge: A
Manual For SM Play,_ by Trevor Jacques, with Dr. Dale, Michael
Hamilton, and Sniffer. ISBN: 1-895857-05-8 (pbk.) This new book comes
recommended by many reputable and knowledgeable people in the scene.
It's a how-to with lots and lots of safety information. To order
directly, call WholeSM Publishing (SAN S1196111) at: (416) 962 1040 or
you can reach the authors at Editor@Alternate.com or through their web
pages at {http://www.alternate.com}.

_Coming to Power_, by SAMOIS, published by Alyson Press. This is a book
about lesbian SM, written by a former Bay Area women's collective. It
has a huge spectrum of pieces from hot fantasy to personal history to
political pronouncement. Very worthwhile for all who are interested in
SM, lesbian or otherwise. _The Second Coming_, edited by Pat Califia and
Robin Sweeney, published by Alyson Press. HOORAY! This is the 1996
update to _Coming to Power_, and is must reading if you liked the first
book. See how the community has evolved in twenty years. Get a sense of
history. Get a clue. Get your rocks off. Highly recommended.
Mark Thompson (editor), _Leatherfolk_, Alyson Press. An EXCELLENT
anthology about the SM scene in America, from the 1930s through the
present. Focuses mainly on the gay and lesbian SM communities, but
contains much worthwhile material for anyone interested in any aspects
of SM. _Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/M
Lovemaking_, by Race Bannon, Daedalus Publishing Co., 4470-107 Sunset
Blvd., Suite 375, Los Angeles, CA 90027. Available by mail from the
publisher @ $12.95 + $2.50 s/h (CA residents add 8.25% sales tax). Race
is a well- known figure in the SM scene, and by all accounts this book
is quite comprehensive, describing all aspects of safe SM from the
physical to the spiritual. If you liked this FAQ, I'd guess you'd like
this book. _SM 101_, published by Jay Wiseman, PO Box 1261, Berkeley,
CA 94701. $19.95 will get you this book, which is one of the most
thorough and in-depth explorations of SM safety and SM practice I have
had the pleasure to read. I would consider this book very valuable for
anyone who is wondering "how do I get started?"--Jay has many
relatively specific examples and tips on how to make your scenes
delightful and memorable. He's an opinionated guy, but then aren't we
all? Jack Morin, _Anal Pleasure and Health_, Down There Press,
Burlingame, CA. This book has the complete lowdown on all aspects of
anal sex--safety, hygiene, emotional issues, you name it. Extremely
valuable information, well presented. Robert J. Stoller, _Pain and
passion: a psychoanalyst explores the world of S& M,_ 1991, New York et
al.: Plenum, X, 306 pp. ISBN 0-306-43770-8. I've heard that this book
does an excellent job of revisiting (and refuting) the common Freudian
biases against SM, in spite of several far-from-objective judgmental
sections. Two other psychoanalytic books dealing with SM (neither of
which I've read) are _Dark Eros_ by Thomas Moore and _Masochism_ by Lyn
Cowan. _Sadomasochism in Everday Life: The Dynamics of Power and
Powerlessness_, Lynn S. Chancer, 1992, publisher momentarily unknown
(but soon to be added), ISBN 0-8135-1808-3. Chancer's book takes a long,
hard look at the many social contexts in which one group exercises power
abusively over another. It's a fascinating perspective from which to
analyze racism, sexism, etc., and there is a fair amount of material
about BDSM in the sense it's been described in this FAQ.
_Ties that Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style_ by Guy Baldwin,
M.S. Daedalus Publishing Company, Los Angeles, 1993, 244 pages, $14.95.
Baldwin is a therapist who sees many people in the SM community. He has
a unique healer's perspective on many of the emotional and psychological
issues that arise for people in the scene. If you are doing a lot of
thinking about whether SM is right for you, or if you're working on
your SM with your partner and you want another point of view, do
yourself a COLOSSAL favor and buy this book. (You can order it from Mr.
S Leathers, or from QSM.) _The Sexually Dominant Woman, A Workbook for
Nervous Beginners_, by Lady Green. (Lady Green's book is supposed to be
very good for those who barely know where to begin.)

 

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