Description

This article is from the Urban legends FAQ, by Terry Chan tchan@dante.lbl.gov and Peter van der Linden linden@eng.sun.com with numerous contributions by others.

34 Hide the salami (Urban legends)

U. Cuckolded husband replaces contents of wife's pessaries with lye.
T. Mad doctor in Ohio cut off womens' clitoral hoods while operating on them.
T.*People put assorted objects up their asses, get stuck, removed in hospital.
F.*Well-known film/TV personality (Richard Gere, various news broadcasters, et
al.) put a gerbil up his ass for "wriggly furry fun" ["The Colo-Rectal
Mouse" in TMP. Related entries in LEGAL BEAGLES] See
http://www.baywindows.com/pridenet/bw/back_issues/March_09_1995/
950309_gerbilling.html
T. ...I. York found an unsubstantiated reference in a 1986 book by Dr. Caleel.
T.*Search of Medline in December 1993 using key words "anus, rectum, rodent,
gerbil" showed no such incident ever found. Lots of other stuff though.
F. Well-known male pop star rushed from concert, stomach pumped free of semen.
[Said of Elton John, Rod Stewart, David Lee Roth, and Marc Almond.]
F. Spanish fly (Cantharides) is aphrodisiac (actually genital tract irritant).
F. Girl slipped spanish fly at drive-in movie; found impaled on gear shift.
["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" in TCD]
F. Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg in closet.
T. Var: guy is seduced by woman, tied to bed, and sodomized by "superhero."
T. ...Similar motif in Stephen King's novel _Gerald's Game_.
Fb.Hetero couple get stuck together while coupling. Separated at hospital.
["The Stuck Couple" in TCD]
F. One night stand, partner leaves early, other partner finds msg "Welcome to
the world of AIDS". ["AIDS Mary" in CBA]
Fb.Female gang initiation ceremony is to screw an HIV+ male member.
F. Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for sodomy.
Tb....This may have actually happened in the Dutch army. Those officers!
F. `Baghdad Betty' told US army that Bart Simpson was sleeping with their wives
Tb.Would-be rapist steals kisses; one Calif victim bit a piece off his tongue.
F. Man fills wife's lover's convertible with concrete.
["The Solid Cement Cadillac" in TVH]
T.*Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to embolism.
F. Woman impregnated while swimming, due to sperm loose in pool.
F. Woman impregnated when hit by bullet that shot Civil War soldier's testicles
["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" in TCD]
Tb.Unintentional virgin birth happens occasionally in bizarre circumstances.
Tb.E.g. vagina-less woman,fellates lover, stabbed in gut by boyfriend,pregnant!
F. Silicone breasts expand under low pressure (eg. airline stewardesses on job)
U. Mother threatens to discipline kid; kid threatens to squeal on mom's
fellatio.
F. Husband informed that septic tank/toilet blockage due to too many condoms;
but he doesn't use them; confronts wife, she confesses affair w/milkman.
He waits and shoots milkman next day; but it was a substitute milkman!
["The Evidence" in TMP]
F. Couple goes to "love" hotel w/hot tub, mirrors, etc. Make the sign of the
eight legged aardvark. Upon return, call up an X-movie and see themselves!
["Sex Scandals" in TCD]
F. A guy picks up a girl at a party. But is unable to "perform" so asks a
friend at the party to finish it for him. His friend does so and in the
morning, finds that he slept with his sister! Similar motif happens in a
halloween or other costumed ball setting. [This and related ULs relating
to mistaken identities are discussed in "Mistaken Identity" in CBA.]
F. There was a significant increase in NYC births about 9 months after
1965 Blackout. ["The Baby Train" in TBT.]
Tb.A town in Oregon banned all sex.
Tb.Rimming (oral/anal contact) is legal in Utah.
F. Catherine the Great died while trying to do something with a horse.
F. For some reason, a woman is doing the laundry in the nude. She puts on her
son's football helmet, and is surprised by plumber/gas man who says some-
thing like "I hope your team wins, lady." ["Nudes and More Nudes" in TVH]
F. Some subdenomination of Jews have sex through a sheet. (See soc.culture.
jewish FAQ).

Continue to:

• prev: 33 Upstanding legends of the penis and scrotum (Urban legends)
• Index
• next: 35 Disney dementia [and other amusement park stories] (Urban legends)