22 Quotes from Ben Elton's act... (Ben Elton)
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This article is from the Ben Elton FAQ, by Andrew Wong andrew@theyoungones.com with numerous contributions by others.
22 Quotes from Ben Elton's act... (Ben Elton)
* "Double seat, double seat, gotta get a double seat....."
* "We have to stand on top of the fridge ... and jump on the b**ard!!" -
(The Man From Auntie 1)
* "Hey, look, it was only a sausage..."
* "Hey guys, let's cut all the crap and get a communal sausage."
* "Lovely plastic shiny seats, shaped like ski slopes.. Burp once,
whallop! You're under the table.." - (Motormouth)
* " .. 'It depends on what you're offering, Gloria'.. Yes, Tom, bit of a
rape innuendo, but who cares, it's only British comedy innit eh?" -
(Motormouth)
* "I was just strolling out of the pavillions to bat, when would you
believe it, my period starts."
* "As night follows day, if you drink lager... you will end up on
Kentucky Fried Chicken." - VERY LIVE
* "Ben Elton says 'They park a Ford Cortina up your fanny !'" - VERY
LIVE
* "Sometimes, I don't wonder if we (British) actually prefer things a
bit crap...." - VERY LIVE
* "If we men had periods, we wouldn't have discreet tampon boxes, would
we? No... we'd have boxes with MY F**KING TAMPONS printed on the
outside !" - VERY LIVE
* "Get some napkins ... get lots..." - VERY LIVE
* "Oh no, it's gone floppy!" - The Man From Auntie
* "Ben, Get some bog paper, get lots." - The Man From Auntie
* "Who invented those bits of magnetic plastic fruit? What a bastard
hey." - The Man From Auntie
* "Bring the teapot, I've gotta buff this muff!" - The Man From Auntie
* "Her sheets must have been so soggy, Mrs Thatcher could have
privatised them." - The Man From Auntie
* "These napkins have the absorbent qualities of an Armoured car." - The
Man From Auntie
* "They can get a bomb through a window in baghdad, you're not telling
me they can't get the tea from the teapot into the mug." - The Man
From Auntie
* "You're thinking, There was never that much in the pot." - The Man
From Auntie
* "I'd like a pot of tea please, and some Savlon, and a Bandaid." - The
Man From Auntie
* "...No, you have to get your own Rectinol." - The Man From Auntie
Any other ideas?
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