This article is from the Fishing bass FAQ, by Bass Rogue with numerous contributions by others.
- Sir Rogue
A while back, an intellectual discussion concerning the influence of the
gods on fishing filled this newsgroup. Although I did not partake in the
actual research and added nothing from a personal perspective, I did take
copious notes. At this time, I would like to share these notes with all
of you. However, before I do that, I would like to add a few disclaimers.
First of all, I can't guarantee I have in my list all the gods who were
discussed in the newsgroup - sometimes, I screw up with this Internet
stuff. Secondly, and I apologize for this, I didn't keep track of the
people who supplied the information concerning the gods. At the time, I
was only interested in building an altar on the bow of my bass boat, and I
never dreamed others would be interested in building their own altars.
And finally, if you are offended by this list of gods, I'm hiding behind
the First Amendment, and you should go hunt down Richard C and Stan G, the
heathens, the infidels :)
Without further ado, the gods:
TOTGA - The One That Got Away. Simply put, the head mudda who art in
charge - the chief fishing god. If TOTGA is happy, you can catch fish.
If TOTGA isn't happy, golf makes more sense.
WETEO - Works Every Time Except Outdoors. This is the sucker who screws
with your electrical and electronic stuff. Remember one thing with WETEO,
his actions are directly proportional to your need of the electrical
stuff. In other words, if your life depends on it, this sucker will zap
ILGOTT - It Looks Good On The Trailer. ILGOTT is the male bass boat god.
He's the one who backs out screws, bangs boats into docks, and helps knock
off the top of sand bars with your brand new stainless steel prop.
Besides sandbars, he's also fond of submerged logs.
AMLIN - Any Money Left Is Mine. AMLIN is the female bass boat god (I
thought she was a goddess, but Stan G claims she is an old David Bowie
fan). After ILGOTT does his thing, AMLIN causes the repair prices to be
just higher than you can afford.
IRBITS - I'd Rather Be In The Shop. Bass boat trailers have their own
personality. For simple vehicles, they certainly have their share of
failure modes - enough of them to justify a special god.
AGUMP - Ain't Given Up My Spot. AGUMP is the god of bank fishing, one of
the lesser gods. For that matter, the only reason he was even mention was
to keep Richard C from ranting and raving and creating a ruckus about
leaving him out of the god business. Damn, what's that saying about all
the people some of the time or something like that :)
AGHAST - A Good Hauling And Show Truck. One half of a god with a split
personality. This half recognizes you can sometimes get to the lake with
IWAFT - It Was A Fine Truck. The other half, the more familiar half, the
nasty half of the truck god who likes to see you on the side of the road
watching the jetskis beat you to the lake.
ABLYSS - Aqua Becoming Like Your Soiled Shorts. This is the PG-13 version
of the god who changes clear water to green, yellow, brown or red; or if
you've really been bad, to ink black. If you want to know about the R-
rated version, give Stan G a call :)
SEACOW - Should Expect A Change of Weather. Probably the second most
powerful god behind TOTGA. This is the guy who schedules all the bad
weather crap for the one day you can go fishing.
DECAL - Defacing Emblems Can Aggravate Lords. The jury is still out on
this sucker, who was conjured up just because I have a non-descript
bassboat. From what I've been able to figure out, his only power is to
stick more decals on your boat when you're asleep. I found two more of
them this morning, but they're gone now. If this guy can get the big
motor decal back on, I'll vote to move him up on the list.
Again, if I've omitted any of the gods, I apologize. On the other hand, I
think we got enough of them to wreck any fishing trip you can imagine, so
adding a few more couldn't possibly make matters worse. Now, does anyone
have a prayer book to appease these suckers?