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9: Alternatives to Sex




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This article is from the Celibacy FAQ, by plmlp@eis.bris.ac.uk (ML Poulter) with numerous contributions by others.

9: Alternatives to Sex


To be serious, there is a big disadvantage of celibacy that has to
be watched out for: people look to sex for that sense of doing something
*different* or forbidden; the adrenalin rush; the feeling of being
*naughty*. To have an ongoing celibate lifestyle you have to find some
reliable way to create that feeling.

Dancing, yoga or dangerous sports all qualify in being physical
and exhilarating. A less obvious possibility is a once a month gut-blowout
with cocktails and fudge sundaes. Don't just eat: *feast!* (and remember
to do some dangerous sports afterwards to work off the calories)

Anything which breaks you temporarily out of your routine and makes
you feel alive is a good idea. Another example is having a ridiculously
long bath, wrapping yourself up in a towel, putting on some loud music (I
recommend "The Big Sky" by Kate Bush or "Cherry" by Curve) and jumping
about. Drinking extra-spicy Bloody Marys is, apparently, another way to do
this.

Modern culture often expects us to make everything that we do in
public into a dull routine, and then use sex and intimacy to break up that
routine. We need to see through the falsehood that only sex can provide
that exhilaration or aliveness.

Another priority is to make sure that you keep physical contact
with people. Having to respect everybody's personal space without
exception can be surprisingly emotionally wearing, and the celibates of my
acquaintance often bring this up as the major disadvantage of their
situation. Again, there is a social expectation that, if you want to touch
someone a lot, you want to have sex with them (and conversely, that if you
do not want sex, then you not want to touch at all).

How to make sure that keep some sort of intimacy? That's the big
question and I don't pretend to be an expert, but here's a common-sense
point to bear in mind: everybody needs some affectionate touching
(well, I'm skeptical of those who say they don't, having heard from so
many people who live asexually without any regret but who still crave
tactile affection). Hence you're not doing an outrageous thing, and
perhaps something very good, by going up to someone and giving them a hug,
so long as they know you well enough to understand its meaning.

 

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