A# Sensitivity Training: Listening
Description
This article is from the Romance and Dating FAQ, by Henning Klaskala alt.romance.FAQ@online.de with numerous contributions by others.
A# Sensitivity Training: Listening
One frequently discussed "technique" was listening.
The trick (for me, at least) was to listen more
carefully to people. I used to be caught up in a little
world of my own, and when I'd hear a key word that
related to something that was in my little world, then
I'd jump in the conversation.
Suggestions for effective listening techniques were made.
My best advise is that listening is an interactive
activity. As you learn how to communicate immediacy,
the rest begins to come more and more easily. For
example, as you are listening to someone, try to
understand not just what they are saying, but why they
are saying it. Then, as you start to guess, ask
questions which indicate an interest not just in the
what, but the why. You will probably be wrong most of
the time, but by asking, you don't have to guess.
The other person can tell you if you understand or not.
It takes some practice, but it is well worth it!
How To Listen
Look directly at the other person. Don't look away at
other things, no matter how distracting.
Nod in agreement occasionally -- if nothing else, this
will keep the other person talking -- better still to do
it at the right places.
Completely refrain from trying to insert a comment of
your own. (I have trouble with this, and tend to
trample conversations, because if I don't say it
I'll forget what I want to say in trying to listen to
the rest of the conversation).
Lean towards the other person just a little (too much
can look confrontational).
These things will convince the other person that you're
listening. As long as you stay focused on him/her and
don't try to butt in, you'll be able to listen and
really hear what they're saying. "'Tis better to be
silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth
and remove all doubt." Waiting till the other person
finishes is polite and it gives you time to compose an
answer, rather than blurt out something.
Listen -- listen very carefully, look into their eyes,
don't let outside things interrupt your concentration on
what they are saying. If you don't understand exactly
what they said ask questions and get them to go over
things. Summarise what they have told you. Don't always
offer advice -- it's not always wanted -- often a
sympathetic ear is just enough. The important thing is
to show the other person that you are willing to drop
all outside distractions and to focus on their needs for
a while -- to show you care for them and they will like
wise return the favour when needed.
Another suggestion was to literally take notes, whenever practicable.
This was also recommended as it tends to build up the mental
note-taking habit.
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