3# More on Men and Women
Description
This article is from the Romance and Dating FAQ, by Henning Klaskala alt.romance.FAQ@online.de with numerous contributions by others.
3# More on Men and Women
From: 274-0106@mcimail.com (Paul J. Wilczynski)
Because of a flood of positive mail (well, a small flood) in response to my
recent posting about relationships between men and women, I thought I'd
pass along a few more random observations. Remember: advice is worth what
you pay for it, and this is based on my experience. Your mileage may vary.
Since I actually got more responses from women (saying that many of the points
applied equally to women, too), I'm going to divide this up into sections.
A. Both sexes ...
1. Remember that members of the opposite sex are people, just like you.
Women aren't orifaces, guys. Guys have feelings too, women.
2. One of the things that you'll come to find most attractive about a person
of a the opposite sex in terms of a relationship is that the person is
attracted to you. I have to give credit to a discussion in some newsgroup to
this idea, but it really hit me when I read it. Think about it: if a person
doesn't *want* to have a relationship with you, that's really not an
attractive quality about the person, is it? Ever take a course in marketing?
A market is defined in part by those people who want what you're selling. If
a person doesn't want what you're selling, the person isn't in your market!
Not everyone is going to want what you've got, great as it might be.
3. Smile. Not grin, but smile.
4. *Try* to see beyond what a person of the opposite sex looks like on the
outside. Of course, if you look at a person and have to suppress a gag
reflex, that's probably not the one you want to spend a lifetime with, as nice
a personality as (s)he may have.
Remember all those pithy little sayings like "beauty is only skin deep"? Well,
try to remember them. Some of the most beautiful women I have ever known
you wouldn't notice walking down the street. But when they smiled that
special smile at me and only me ... whew. If their Weight isn't quite
Proportional to their Height (WPTH), so what?
Of course, on the other side of the fence, the campus beauty queen is only
human, too, beneath all that lucious, sexy, curvy ... (oh, stop it, Paul!!!!)
5. Try as hard as you can not to get involved with people who are married,
no matter what they say about the state of their marriage, unless they're
separated and have filed papers for divorce.
6. Think about what you say before you say it, from the point of view
of hearing someone else say it to you.
My worst experience in this area: the first time I ever bedded a woman was
when I was about 23. (Late bloomer, obviously). She was about 10 years older
than me and previously married. Things were going well, but I was nervous.
Right at Beginning Moment, she looked up at me and said "Is this your first
time in saddle?" The situation turned out fine, fortunately (she took the
role of Teacher), but the phrasing of the question could have used some work.
B. For men ...
1. I hate to say this is this section, but I think it may apply somewhat more
to men then women. Keep yourself clean, ok? You may have a great mind and
a stunning personality, but if your potential sex partner has to hang
odor eaters around you, it's making the situation just that much more
difficult.
2. Forget about the idea of getting into bed with a woman with the intention
of both of you keeping your clothes on all night, unless that's the way you
want the relationship to be for the rest of all time, or unless you happen
to be into the sex game called "I'm a priest, you're a nun". If it's late
at night and you're a long way from home (or drunk) and she offers with the
caveat that no Private Parts will be exposed, politely decline the offer.
Tell her that she's much too attractive for you to be able to do that without
being overwhelmed by passion (assuming you believe it, of course), then
sleep on the floor or the couch.
3. Often (not always, but very often) when a woman tells you about a problem
she's having, she's not looking to you for the solution. What? That doesn't
make sense? See intro to section C. What she's often looking for is comfort
and reassurance and knowing that you're there.
That's why, when you analyze the situation and present her the options as you
seem them in decreasing order of probable success, she looks at you like
you're from Mars and/or bursts into tears and/or storms off saying "you
haven't heard a word I said!".
Note that this doesn't really apply to a women who comes to you the day before
a final saying she doesn't know the material. She's looking for your notes or
a course summary she can stick in her shoe for consultation, not your
comforting words that she'll ace the test in spite of having no concept of
what the course was about.
I understand, the nuances of this are rough. Stick with it.
C. For women ...
[This section's a little tough for me because, frankly, I don't really
understand women. No man will *ever* absolutely understand women, hundreds
of books oriented towards Understanding Women to the contrary. Oh, I
understand them *more* as time goes on, but it would take more than one or
two average male lifetimes (AMLs, as we call them) to Understand them.]
1. Whoever invented the game of "play hard to get"? Sheesh. Lots of guys
have enough lack of self-confidence without playing *this* game. I mean,
you don't have to come out and say you want to bear his children, but try
to be honest.
2. Men's emotional swings can be just as wide as yours, PMS notwithstanding.
Your smile can make a guy's day (or week), and your lack of attention can
bring him to the depths of despair.
3. Rejection is *very* hard for a lot of guys to take, so if you're going to
be doing any rejecting, give some thought to how you phrase it. Personally,
the rejection phrase I've found easiest to take is "I'm already involved with
someone". That wasn't a rejection of anything about *me*.
That's it for now,
Paul
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