25 How Can I Assure Someone That I'm Not Crazy Or Dangerous?
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This article is from the Internet Personals: Advice for Straights FAQ, by Dean Esmay esmay@syndicomm.com with numerous contributions by others.
25 How Can I Assure Someone That I'm Not Crazy Or Dangerous?
An unfortunate reality is that women usually have to be more
worried about this than men. A lot of women may be very skittish
about meeting a man. Sometimes, a woman will initially be excited
about the romantic nature of an email relationship, but then will get
spooked when the reality hits that she actually has to MEET this guy.
The tips I have for men are as follows:
1) Don't press her for a meeting. Be patient, trade mail with her a
while, and allow the relationship to develop before you try to meet.
2) Don't press her for her phone number. If she offers it to you,
great, but don't ask her for it. Instead, after you've traded mail
for a while, you should offer her YOUR number. If she doesn't call,
or offer you hers in return, that should tell you something.
3) At some point, whenever it feels appropriate, offer her some
references.
#3 is a particularly interesting one, and is an option not many people
think of. What better way of assuring a woman that you're okay than
to have her talk to women who know you? Ask several women you know
(at least two I would think) if they will be willing to serve as
personal references for you. In my experience, most of my female
friends are amused but delighted at the opportunity to tell another
woman about me. Most women seem to love to talk to each other about
men.
If your references have email addresses, that's great, but make sure
they're willing to let you give their real addresses and phone
numbers, too. That way she knows this isn't just a fake mail address
you're giving out.
Example:
"Hey, if you want to check me out to make sure I'm all right, why
don't you contact my sister Janie and my friend Pauline? I've
already talked to them about you they said they'd be happy to tell
you all about me! Here's how to get ahold of 'em:
Janie Smith Pauline Jones
1313 Mockingbird Lane #12 Morning Glory Circle
Anytown, IL 60101 Anothertown, IL 60202
(312) 555-1212 (708) 555-9342
jsmith@somewhere.com
Pauline doesn't have an email address but she says she'll be happy to
talk to ya, give her a call!"
You'll be surprised at how many women will be delighted at the
prospect of checking references on you. And the very fact that
you're willing to offer up this kind of reference will tell her
you're a gentleman.
My advice for women is much the same. How the heck does he know
YOU'RE not a psychopath? That happens too, you know. So be willing
to do any or all of the above. I do suggest that you get his name,
phone # and address before you give him yours, though.
For both men and women, just remember: use common sense, make sure
you know as much as possible about someone before meeting, and
remember, if you're harassed, threatened, or whatever, CALL THE
POLICE.
Chances are very good that nothing worse than a disappointment will
ever happen to you as a result of using personal ads, so don't get
paranoid. Just remember, everything in life carries risk; the
healthy way to react to risk is with common sense and reasonable
precautions, not paranoia.
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