lotus

previous page: 28. I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette?
  
page up: Bondage FAQ
  
next page: 30. Are SM people subjected to political or social harassment?

29. What's the deal with this anonymity stuff?

Headaches Begone! A Systemic Approach To Healing Your Headaches Book

Description

This article is from the Bondage FAQ, by numerous contributors.

29. What's the deal with this anonymity stuff?

There are many people who post to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm through
the wizvax Anonymous Posting Service, and many others who post from
pseudonymous accounts. The reasons are obvious; "kinky sex" in our
society is stigmatized, and being openly interested in sexuality or
alternate sexual practices can result in personal and professional
consequences including losing one's job, losing one's friends, and if
child custody is involved, losing one's children. Yes, in America
today, you can lose custody of your child if it becomes known that you
practice SM. (This is not merely anecdotal; people on the net have had
these things happen to them.) Oral sex is a crime in some states! After
reading this FAQ, it (hopefully) should be clear how twisted this
situation is, when acts of love can be used as evidence of psychological
damage.

This is why many choose to write and post anonymously. By using a
pseudonym, they can say what they want to say, while remaining free of
the nastiness that could ensue were their coworkers to discover their
interests. Homosexuals know what it's like to be ostracized for their
romantic and sexual preferences; SM devotees are, in some ways, in the
same boat. It's a strange world, where love is perceived as evil, and
beauty as ugliness....

Anonymous posters are not cowards. The consequences I have outlined are
enough to make anyone question whether posting under their own name is
worthwhile. Those who choose to do so are not necessarily so much
courageous as lucky--lucky to be able to be out, to declare their
lifestyles openly. (Note that pseudonyms are sometimes used in
real-life situations, as well; there are many netters who go by their
net names even at social functions.)

This means that it is rude to inquire as to someone's actual identity if
they choose to use a pseudonym. It is also rude to tell others of their
real name, if you somehow become privy to it, without first asking them;
they have entrusted you with something that they don't want commonly
known. DON'T OUT SOMEONE IF THEY DON'T WANT TO BE OUTED. You yourself
may not need a net.name; that doesn't mean you can take others'
anonymity any less seriously than they themselves do. This goes for the
net and for real life. If you meet someone at a party who you've known
from the net, they'll probably still want to be known under their net
name, and if you're writing about that party later, make sure you have
their permission before describing them or scenes in which they
participated (even if you use only their net name).

It is an open question whether the world would improve if everyone outed
themselves. Some say that we need to get all kinky people out of the
closet, so everyone'll realize how many of us there are (and there are
many!). Others, myself included, believe that everyone should be free
to choose how they want to live their life--including choosing to be
anonymous.

 

Continue to:

Free Sex Improvement Training at ExperientialSexLab.com







TOP
previous page: 28. I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette?
  
page up: Bondage FAQ
  
next page: 30. Are SM people subjected to political or social harassment?