19 Landmark (The Forum) part2
Description
This article is from the Self Improvement FAQ, by Loren Larsen llarsen@cs.clemson.edu with numerous contributions by others.
19 Landmark (The Forum) part2
Q. Can you provide any details about the process that occurs at a
seminar? My understanding is that in the early days of Est,
participants were not allowed to give out details of what went on
at the seminars. Is that still the case in Landmark Education?
A. I could give you detailed descriptions of the entire Forum, but it
wouldn't really make a difference. The process is actually a
series of distinctions that create the foundation for other
distinctions. The structure is such that an inquiry that would
normally take 20 years (I had been DOING the 12 steps for 10 years
and was astonished by Saturday Morning) is conducted with the
intended result in 3 days. Sunday afternoon seems like a course in
advanced Zen. By Sunday night, there is what I call (personal
opinion/experience here - not Landmark) a spiritual awakening.
The key distinctions of Landmark based on that we have a past
consisting of what happened, and our interpretations/opinions/
feelings/judgements about what happened. For example - what
happened is that - - the first girl I ever dated through a cup full
of soda pop in my face and 50 people laughed. What I made it mean
was that I was UGLY and UNATTRACTIVE. The problem is that I didn't
separate the two. I now interacted with all women, for the next 26
years as if I was Short, Fat, Bald, Cross-eyed, with Polka-dot zit
and scab covered skin. In fact, by the time I was 18, I was 6'1"
tall, 155 to 180 pounds, a professional dancer, model, and actor,
and going to a school with 900 women and 5 heterosexual men
(another 20 were gay). I had men pursuing me every day. I was
about as tall dark and handsome as a man could get, but when it
came to asking a woman for a date - I WAS UGLY AND UNATTRACIVE,
EVEN REPULSIVE. Of course, this communicated to the women in the
form of avoiding romantic intimacy, only having arms-length
friendships. I actually became a bit disgusting, not bathing for
days, not grooming, wearing big, baggy overalls, and acting like a
sex pervert (more evidence to be UGLY). I even married a woman who
I was not attracted so that I wouldn't be hurt when she discovered
that I was UGLY and UNATTRACTIVE, it took her 9 years to finally
agree with me, (she married a man 10 years younger than me, a Tom
Sellek type). In the Forum, I realized that all this woman did was
throw a glass of pop at someone who, at that time, was not well
liked by most of her friends. She may have been trying to impress
them, she may have been insulted by my being late, she may not have
liked the ring I gave her (that she asked me to give her).
This brings up the other major distinction. Psychology tells us
that we are the way we are because of our past. This was a better
model than the one that preceded it which was "Circular" (as the
seasons come and go, we just suffer through whatever comes). At
Landmark, we say that we are the way we are because of the Future
we are living into. If I told you that I talked to your boss and
he was going to have to let you go, you would act and think a
certain way (looking for another job, fear, anxiety). If I just
handed you a winning lottery ticket, for which the number was
announced an hour ago, you would live very differently (what color
shoes go with a black Mercedes) even though you hadn't recieved a
penny of the money yet.
Why it LOOKS as if we are given by the past is that we keep
putting the past into our future. Everytime I would go to ask a
woman to dance, every other rejection by women would be right there
with me, I eventually never got more than two steps toward the
woman I wanted.
That night, I saw that I was not a bad looking guy, and went to a
dance and danced with several women (who were astonished and
pleased that I asked them to dance). One of them told me that
women thought I was stuck-up and a snob because I was so aloof.
Since this discovery in the Forum, I've gone to several single's
events. I even put an ad in the personals section. I even posted
a personal on the internet, and answered one.
Which brings up a third key distinction of the Forum. Though the
inquiry may be useful, and the insights may be interesting, even
exciting, there is little value in any of that unless there is an
opening for immediate action. We have many reasons for not doing
what we really want to do, but that is not the same as doing
something worthwhile. In the Forum, we look to see what actions
are worthy of taking (expressing love to another person, parents,
spouses, children...) and take appropriate actions even when it may
not be "convenient". We can call someone at 1:00 A.M. to tell them
someone died, but we can't call them to tell someone we love them,
even though this may be the first time we've said it in many years).
In the introduction seminars, guests reach the end in one of four
places. They are ready to register, they know that they never want
to do the Forum (very rarely), they have something they need to
work out (time, money, babysitters). They have something
intangible "I just need to think about it", "I need to check this
out" something that is usually familiar, these are usually the ones
who want to be more decisive.
The time and money can be worked out, but for the maximum value
out of the Forum (the Forum begins when you register), one of the
most powerful distinctions is to register that night, not knowing
how it's going to work out, but committed to having it work out.
Those are the people who not only end up being able to say how
their own lives go, but can actually become leaders in their
community and simply cause things to happen when no one knows if it
will work out.
If you were madly in love with your wife, and I threw your wedding
ring over a brick wall and told you that if you didn't give it back
it would be delivered to your wife by a beautiful blonde, you
would find a way to get over the wall to save your marriage. Most
people come to the introduction with something at stake, they want
to save/revitalize a relationship with their spouse, kids they
love, parents they haven't spoken to, bosses they hate, or jobs
they dread. Everything else is just great though.
The weird thing about the Forum is that when I did the Forum,
EVERYONE ELSE CHANGED. My boss was nicer, I was promoted and my
coworkers wanted to work for me, my girlfriend wanted me back, my
ex-wife wanted to talk to me when I came to see the kids, her
husband even invited me to spend Christmas with them. I even had
more time and money to spend on things I wanted.
What each person gets out of the Forum is different. Part of the
application to do the Forum is that you have to specify 3 things
that you want to get out of the Forum. These are things that
wouldn't happen anyway, and that you do not presently know how to
do.
Q. Is there an organization for Forum graduates?
A. Yes. The Forum Graduate Association (FGA) can be contacted as:
David Shaw, President
Forum Graduate Association
6008 Wendron Way
Alexandria, VA 22315
(703) 971-3693 (Home)
(301) 457-1242 (Office)
email: fgainc@gcr.com
Continue to:
My Books
