This article is from the Scouting FAQ, by Bill Nelson email@example.com, Soaring Golden Eagle firstname.lastname@example.org and Alan Houser email@example.com with numerous contributions by others.
Prisoner: A prisoner is brought before a judge. The policeman says that
he caught him red-handed. Judge asks if it is true and the prisoner
says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner is asked if he has
stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now & then". Judge, impatient
now, asks where he stole these things and the prisoner replies here and
there. Judge tells the policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he
will get out of jail. Judge smugly says, "Oh, sooner or later."
Reggie and the Colonel
Characters: Reggie, big, dumb, Bermudas, high socks, safari hat,
glasses, down on nose, moustache, carries gun in front of
him. Colonel:short, limp, monocle, no gun, just small
knapsack, has cane.
Scene: Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced
Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing with cane) Reggie, look... Did
you see it, Reggie ??????
Reggie: See what??! No, no, where, where ??
Colonel: Oh, Reggie, It was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span,
Reggie: No. I didn't see it.
Colonel: Wish You'd pay closer attention. (They continue walking).
Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: No, what?
Colonel: A spotted Zebra...Wish you'd pay closer attention.
Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie?? Did you see it?
Reggie: No I missed it ... what was it?
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.
Reggie: Ooh-aah bird. What's a ooh aah bird??
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg, like
(face lights up). (continue walking).
Reggie: Whispers to audience: Next time I'll say yes - pretend like I
saw it. I'll fool him.
Colonel: Reggie, Reggie did you see it! (excited)
Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!
Colonel: Then why in heaven's name did you step in it? !!!
Restaurant Minutes: The scene is two guys enter a greasy spoon type of
restaurant that has a customer and a grill type cook with a stained
apron. The cook says that all they have is soup and a hot dog. The first
man says he will take the soup and the other man says he wants the same.
The cook tells them if one wants the soup the other has to have the hot
dog. The second man agrees and asks to have mustard put on the hot dog
and the waiter leaves. The third asks if they steal, referring the cook.
The first man says the cook will steal your shirt off your back if he
could. The first & second man get their order, the cook dropping the
silverware, then wiping them off with his dirty apron. Second man tells
the cook that he wanted mustard on his hot dog. The cook squeezes
mustard off his apron onto the hot dog. First man says that there is a
fly in his soup. The cook retrieves the fly out of the soup, squeezing
it, telling the fly to spit it all back. The third man disgusted, makes
a comment and walks out without his pants. His pants have been stolen.
Russian Pianist: The world renown Moresofi Vodka is introduced to
perform his original composition Chopinsky Stickovich. He plays
School's on Fire: Scout wanders through area several times holding a
glass of water: When asked what he is doing, he replies that the school
is on fire. Leader: How do you expect to put the fire out with a tiny
glass of water?" Boy answers, "this ain't water, it's gas.