5.2 What to do (and what not to do) if you suspect that someone you care about needs help, but resists seeking it for themselves.
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This article is from the Bipolar Disorder FAQ, by barry@webveranda.com (Barry Campbell) with numerous contributions by others.
5.2 What to do (and what not to do) if you suspect that someone you care about needs help, but resists seeking it for themselves.
First, re-read section 5.1. Now, re-read it again. :-)
Okay. Now that you're back with us...
One of the most frightening and frustrating aspects of this illness, for
friends, family, and loved ones, is that many bipolar people resist seeking
help.
When you're depressed, you may not believe that help is possible...
so why bother?
When you're hypomanic or manic, you may well be irritated or offended when
someone suggests that you need help. If the mania is euphoric in nature,
then you don't WANT help... at least initially, it feels GREAT (though it's
hell for the people around you.)
Some bipolar people refuse to seek help for their entire lives. Others resist
at first, but ultimately acknowledge that they cannot control this illness all
by themselves.
This happens for a variety of reasons--fear, mistrust, denial--but here's what
it boils down to:
If someone doesn't want treatment, there are only very limited circumstances in
which it can be forced upon them.
In most places in the civilized world, unless the person with bipolar disorder
presents an imminent danger to his or her own health and safety, or to the
lives of others, THEY CANNOT BE FORCED INTO TREATMENT.
This is bitter medicine to take when you love someone and are watching them
seemingly self-destruct. The hard truth is, you can't live someone else's life
for them, as much as you might want to... and as much as you might think that
what you're doing, you're doing for their own good.
Another, related issue--what if the person that you're concerned about is
seeking a form of help that you fear won't be useful?
The vast majority of bipolar people who decide to pursue treatment utilize
traditional, allopathic medicine and/or conventional psychotherapy as treatment
resources; the outcomes in these cases are generally much more positive than if
the illness is left untreated.
However, this is by no means a universal truth.
Some bipolar people pursue alternative therapies and treatments--either after
medical treatment has seemingly failed, or due to a general mistrust of doctors
and drugs. These therapies may range from outright quackery (Reichian "orgone
boxes" and similar silliness) to therapies for which some interesting and
promising anecdotal evidence exists (such as orthomolecular/nutritional
therapy) but no studies conclusively proving efficacy have been published and
reviewed. The outcomes in these cases vary widely... but if you *believe* that
something will help you, often it does; the mind is funny that way. :-)
Some bipolar people pursue spirituality as part of their treatment/coping
regiment; others eschew it entirely.
Again: as loopy as some of this stuff might sound, you can't live someone
else's life... and the fact that the bipolar person is taking some
responsibility for his or her own care is a very promising sign.
A final note: If you're a friend, family member, or loved one of a person with
bipolar disorder, you need to remember to look out for yourself. As much as
you might love the person, don't let yourself become a financial or emotional
victim. There are family support groups and other resources available to you:
take advantage of them, and network with people who are in similar situations.
See "Resource Organizations" for groups that meet in your area.
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