This article is from the the official alt.spleen FAQ, by Andrew Stellman with numerous contributions by others.
Andrew says: NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANY MAIL TO ME REQUESTING MEDICAL ADVICE! I AM NOT A DOCTOR, AND WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY USEFUL INFORMATION.
Norm (firstname.lastname@example.org) suggests chocolate as a viable Spam alternative. This is especially good for vegetarians, since, although nobody is sure if there is meat in Spam or not, we have a pretty good idea that at least two chickens are sacrificed to Azaroth for each can of Spam produced.
According to nutritionist Erik MacHnicki (email@example.com), potatoes are a great source of nutrition. Erik writes:
"I recently read a book called THE GREAT POTATO BOOK. It was a fascinating book which discussed the various uses and the importance of America's favorite vegetable. One of the main topics of the book was the nutritional value of the potato. It seems that the potato contains all the nutrients that the human body ever needs. TRULY AMAZING!
Now, it seems to me that if the potato contains all the nutrients necessary for the human body, it must be a highly valuable vegetable to the spleen. We all know that the spleen requires special care and that nutrition is a major factor in the happiness of your spleen. For this reason, I would suggest including an ample supply of potatoes in your daily diet to supplement the spam."