This article is from the the official alt.spleen FAQ, by Andrew Stellman with numerous contributions by others.
Andrew says: NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANY MAIL TO ME REQUESTING MEDICAL ADVICE! I AM NOT A DOCTOR, AND WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY USEFUL INFORMATION.
Well, yes and no. Yes, this is the only FAQ. But no, this is not the only periodically posted document that answers frequently asked questions. There is an infinitely more useful and far superior document than this. It's called the obalt.splobeen FOBAQ, and it's posted in an ancient language called "ob", currently only spoken by a mysterious group of people. There is more speculation about these people in part III, but from the little of it that I could decipher, it looked like it contained invaluable information.
I hope one day to discover the Rosetta Stone of "ob", and hopefully unlock the secrets of the FOBAQ. Until then, we'll all have to make do with my inferior FAQ.