13 If someone insults me or otherwise makes me upset, should I flame them back? (Tolkien Newsgroups)
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This article is from the Tolkien Newsgroups FAQ, by Steuard Jensen sbjensen@midway.uchicago.edu with numerous contributions by others.
13 If someone insults me or otherwise makes me upset, should I flame them back? (Tolkien Newsgroups)
No.
6. Even if my reputation and honor are at stake?
Feel free to post any corrections or differences in opinion that you
feel are necessary. Feel free to indicate that you are hurt, unhappy,
or insulted because of their comments. But by no means escalate the
budding flame war, and try your hardest to be polite in your response:
this tends to get the group's sentiments on your side far better than
any exchange of name-calling ever could. People are usually fairly
good at recognizing when someone is being terribly unfair. Yes, it is
undoubtedly your right to flame if you want to, but the vast majority
of the group would be happier if you did not.
In general, try to give others the benefit of the doubt: with only
text to go on, it's hard to judge their real intent. Could you have
misread the insulting lines in their post? Could they have been
speaking tongue in cheek? Maybe they only meant to tease you, not
realizing that you would really be insulted. Assuming the worst is a
depressing way to live one's life.
Finally, be particularly careful not to reply to a "troll", someone
who intentionally fishes for arguments and flames. These people seem
to take great personal delight in inspiring people to anger or
indignation; the best reaction to them is generally to ignore them
altogether.
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