14) Frogs and Buzzards and Tortoises, oh my! (David Weber)
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This article is from the David Weber FAQ, by Cynthia Gonsalves/Daniel Bernstein with numerous contributions by others.
14) Frogs and Buzzards and Tortoises, oh my! (David Weber)
* 14.1. Kate Verleger, our Judge Advocate General, and
resident chief of amphibian artillery has described the
tradition of lobbing frogs at punsters. Other abd-w denizens
have adapted this tradition recently to include other
members of the animal kingdom such as buzzards and
tortoises. Look out Below! We've got a whole group of folks
(ROMANCE) who are the chief flingers of animalia and their
preferred target are snerkers who publicly gloat about
privileged information online. Check out
http://members.aol.com/gwynedd/beatrice/index.html#top for
the history, including a contribution by the Mad Wizard
Weber himself.
o 14.1.1. As requested, here is a short history of the
role of Frogs in mechanized warfare. (edit it as you
see fit: I decided I'd better err on the side of
caution and be as complete as possible).
o 14.1.2. The tradition of Frogs in Warfare is a long and
honorable one, whose origins date back approximately
twenty years to Bryn Mawr College, outside of
Philadelphia, in Pennsylvania.
o 14.1.3. At this college is a dormitory called Denbigh
Hall, and in this dorm is a common room called a back
smoker. The point of back smokers, originally, was to
provide students a place in the back of the dorm where
they could smoke in peace and not disturb anyone, and,
not so coincidentally, burn down the building (again).
o 14.1.4. As time progressed, a particular sort of people
tended to collect in the back smoker: among the more
illustrious Denbigh Back Smoker (DBS) alumnae is the
author Caroline Stevermer (Bryn Mawr '77), and to whose
denizens her novel, "A College of Magics_, is
dedicated. As the people collected in the DBS, so did
the books they tended to read[0]
o 14.1.5. The inhabitants of the DBS developed two means
of communicating with one another: face to face
conversation, and a sort of bound bulletin board,
called the DBS Diary. In the Diary, the Mawrtyrs would
write anonymously, under pseudonyms, or under their own
names, messages to one another or the group at large.
+ 14.1.5.1. For example, "May 5, 1995: Calamity is
happy to announce the birth of a Senior Thesis (52
pages text, 6 pages endnotes, 5 pages
bibliography), at approximately 3 am this morning,
"A Spectrum of Characters: Religion, Love and
Responsibility in "The Brothers Karamazov_".
Viewing upon request, IBM WP 5.1 or paper only."
+ 14.1.5.2. Alternatively, "Cheat session for Spring
Ball Erd Liv Rm 12 pm Sat. --Amy L."[1]
o 14.1.6. In approximately 1980, someone left to the DBS
as a May Day Gift (gifts are traditionally given by
upperclasswomen to younger students on the morning of
the College's celebration of May Day), a stuffed green
frog. The frog was of convenient size, approximately
8x8x8, slightly understuffed, and was a fading green.
+ 14.1.6.1. No one knows the first time that it was
thrown in outrage at a particularly bad pun,
however the idea quickly caught on and spread to
the other major backsmoker on campus in Erdman
Hall. Further, when one was with one's fellow
denizens but away from the DBS (thus without the
frog), and a particularly bad pun was uttered, one
could say to the offender "Frog!" and the frog
would have been considered thrown.
+ 14.1.6.2. This extended to the diary: when a pun
was posted to the diary, the first responder to
the pun would be likely to write as his/her post
"frog," "thwap" (the sound the frog makes when
impacting a target), or draw a frog into the
diary, and the frog would be considered duly
thrown. Bad jokes were equally considered worthy
of frogging.
+ 14.1.6.3. I adapted this practice to the 'net to
express my responses to the epidemic of viral
punning online.
o 14.1.7. Frogging 101
+ 14.1.7.1. Definition
+ 14.1.7.2. Frog: noun. 1. any of numerous tailless,
chiefly aquatic amphibians of the order Salienta,
and especially of the family Ranidae, having a
smooth, moist skin, webbed feet, and long hind
legs adapted for jumping. 2. A projectile punning
mechanism, with a selector switch for automatic /
semiautomatic. [2]Users are advised to chamber the
frog before firing. (The projectile gives a
satisfactory "thwap" sound as described by
manufacturer's spec that way). Available in a
variety of projectile sizes, from amazonian tree,
through green Clemens, up to and including Denbigh
Stuffed (recommended only for
targets at least 6 feet from user).
+ 14.1.7.3. No incantation required prior to
depressing trigger (see "sending messages"),
though specifying size of projectile would be an
amusing read.
o 14.1.8. PLEASE! Practice good research habits! If
you're going to start frogging on an ng without an
active Bryn Mawr Alum on it (who ought to be able to
explain the tradition), CITE YOUR SOURCE for the
tradition.
o 14.1.9. The appropriate citation if you're relaying the
tradition on to someone else--in person or on the
net--is: Denbigh Back Smoker, Denbigh Hall, Bryn Mawr
College, Bryn Mawr, PA,c. 1980.
o 14.1.10. That's really all there is to it, with one
caveat: Remember to tell your frogs to look before they
leap--they've got better odds of hitting their targets
that way.
o 14.1.11. May the Frogs be with you, Kate Verleger,
Igor--sorry, that's Graduate Assistant, Department of
Economics, Indiana University; Ars Bacheloris, Russian,
Bryn Mawr College, 1995; Fearless Leader, Doublestar
Science Fiction and Fantasy Club, Bryn Mawr and
Haverford Colleges, 1993-1995.
+ 14.1.11.1. Notes:
+ 14.1.11.1.1. [0] This is how Homer got
shelved next to McCaffrey.
+ 14.1.11.1.2. [1] It is interesting to note
that the DBS Diary, likewise the Erdman Back
Smoker Diary (also of Bryn Mawr), both behave
in a -very- similar fashion to a ng today.
Even anonymously, flaming other writers was
severely sanctioned, threads of conversation
developed and were quickly lost as you had to
flip through page upon page of "posts" to
find out what "happened" since the last time
you wrote, and the more stressed out the
posters were (such as during finals or
midterm exams), the more they wrote.
+ 14.1.11.1.3. [2] Period methods of lobbing
frogs are available: by hand, long bow,
recurve, javelin, and crossbow, for period
use.
* 14.2. Jack Tingle also notes another use of the FROG acronym
that would be of interest to a fair number of the group (the
technology and tactics mavens) which is not related to
Kate's tradition: "WRT FROG, note also NATO designation for
light Soviet-made, land-based, ballistic artillery rocket;
"Free Rocket Over Ground", which the US semi-copied as the
MLRS.
o 14.2.1. This weapon class dates back to the Congreve
rockets used by the British in the Napoleonic wars.
They were eventually superseded by large guns in
European warfare, but Russian and later Soviet doctrine
never gave up on them. Naval equivalents were also
never abandoned, since rocket bombardment of land
emplacements from barges were often useful during the
ramp-up to amphibious assults (or even amphibian
assaults).
o 14.2.2. One of the more famous Soviet relatives of the
FROG was the light, infantry-carried Katyushka
bombardment rocket, used by the Viet Cong in the war in
Indochina."
* 14.3. The members of ROMANCE have expanded this to include a
wide variety of amphibians, even going so far as to borrow a
concept from Terry Pratchett and use eagle-launched
TORTOISEs (see "Small Gods" by Terry Pratchett).
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