This article is from the series of articles on Yoga and Sexuality, written by Corinne Friesen, the author of "Hurry Up - Relax!" and author of audioyoga.com where you can find a lot of information about yoga.
One thing yoga teaches us is to monitor our thoughts and even to pick and choose what we think about. This allows us to cultivate peace and harmony in our lives and allows us to experience life in the way we want, rather than in the way it is thrust upon us.
This can also apply to our sexuality. "You become what you think about," advises Ralph Waldo Emerson. If you want to become more sexual, if you want your life to have more delicious sexuality in it, then you need to think about it more.
Think about it more!? You probably are thinking about it lots! Women even accuse men of thinking about sex all the time! How much more do you need to do?! What I really mean is that we need to think about it with more skill.
I'm sure a thousand sexual thoughts flit through your mind every day. Close on their heels are the reactions you have to those thoughts. You end up thinking about how to shove sexual thoughts aside, or about keeping them under control, or editing them for appropriateness. This process can happen so quickly, we hardly notice what we're doing. We just notice that we're 'thinking about sex again'!
As we shove thoughts aside and edit them, we are not actually cultivating our sexuality. We're wrestling with it. That just uses up the energy that could be better spent elsewhere! ;) As we learn to notice our thinking, we learn how to simply set aside thoughts that aren't serving us. We can also pick and choose what we think about and what we linger over. As we linger, we can cultivate thoughts that serve us.
This is what yoga meditation practice teaches us. It teaches us to notice our thinking, set it aside and, as we become adept, we can start to pick and choose what we think about.
Here are some practices you can do to help you cultivate more sexy thinking.
1A. Throughout the day, when a sexual thought occurs to you, notice that it occurred to you. Don't judge yourself for it. Just notice it and let it go.
1B. As you get good at doing that, add this step: Throughout the day, when a sexual thought occurs to you that you like, stay with it for a moment. Enjoy the feelings that it brings up. Then, when you need to, set the thought aside, telling yourself 'I'll enjoy more of that later.'
1C. Even go to the extent of deciding exactly when you'll get back to that thought. And when that time comes, give yourself the chance to remember it again. At first, it might not come back to you with the same delicious feeling that it first had. But, with practice, you can slip right back into the thinking just like picking up a book with a book mark in it. :D
2. Throughout the day, take the time to notice pleasant sensations. For example, notice how sensuous it feels to run your hands along a smooth surface. Linger over a pleasant smell. In all cases, take your time. Lingering is the key to allowing pleasure to penetrate our attention.
Go to our basic meditation - Sexual Energy Breathing Meditation. This has you simply noticing your breath as it comes and goes. When you do meditations like this one, you're bound to find yourself 'off track', thinking about something else, anything else other than the meditation. This is OK. When you notice your mind has wandered, just bring your attention back to your breathing. This practice, of noticing your thinking and bringing it back to what you want to think about, is training you to notice and pick and choose your thoughts. It takes practice, though - so there's no time like the present to get started!