By (http://www.emotionalwavelengths.com)Marcia Augustine.
Published: July 2006
Let your emotional and sensual, not sexual, side to seal your bond of love with Mr. Right. You may be with a good catch who might just be your perfect match. You're wildly attracted to him, and the short-term reward of spending the night in his arms outweighs the reward of having protected your feelings by postponing sexual intimacy. If you can take the time to look ahead to the future, you'll find it easier to wait.
The decision to postpone physical intimacy doesn't mean rejecting your sexuality altogether. It does mean, however, choosing not to act on every sexual impulse. Postponing sexual intimacy allows sensuality to come to the forefront. Connecting with another person first on an emotional and sensual rather than merely physical level builds a stronger, more intimate foundation. It's the wise woman who bonds with a man emotionally, spiritually and intellectually before allowing a sexual bond to grow.
Participating in hobbies or other common interests gives intimacy a chance to grow. For instance, being aware of each other's presence as you prepare dinner together offers a chance to become used to being close by each other. Physical activities such as dancing, sports, or working out let you enjoy your chemistry while allowing you to grow closer emotionally. Board games and video games are another opportunity to enjoy each other's company at a safe and enjoyable pace. These courtship rituals are preparation for the deeper levels of intimacy, and they allow you to feel safe because the relationship isn't racing ahead to sex before you're truly ready for it. Being present emotionally for the other person on a level appropriate to the depth of the relationship brings you closer as well. For instance, giving a man your full attention when he speaks allows him the intimacy of being himself in your presence.
Clearing the deck of sex keeps you in the present moment. Becoming sexual with a new flame takes your emotional energy away from the developing emotional side of your relationship and redirects that energy toward your sex life. Becoming sexual too soon means you haven't given yourself enough time to see how the emotional part of your relationship will develop. Becoming sexual too soon means that you're racing ahead, putting things first that should follow the emotional intimacy you two share.
When you clear the deck of sex, you get to know your new Mr. Right a day at a time. You'll feel safer and more protected, which will allow you to enjoy your new love affair. You won't project needs and desires that are inappropriate to the emotional pace of your relationship. You won't be risking your all - your emotional and physical boundaries - for someone who may be just a close runner up in your search for your soul mate. If you postpone sexual intimacy, you'll be able to see those red flags or other areas that need addressing, and you'll be able to smooth the way toward a solid foundation for a life together.
If you engage in sex too soon, you'll overlook what isn't working because you've bonded yourself so closely to him. When you let emotional intimacy grow, sex is no longer just sex. When you share a deep, emotional connection before you become sexual with him, having sex becomes making love. You won't just be acting on your attraction to each other. Instead, you'll be sharing the physical expression of the love you share. When you are willing to allow your love to grow at a pace that protects you, you'll discover that your physical bond will reflect your emotional bond. You'll discover what it means to make love with your soul mate.
Not every man chooses to rush into sex. Instead, the man interested in marrying you will choose to court you and see where your relationship is headed. He's the type of man who'll withstand the screening process. Want to find out who he is? Then say "no" to sex. It's that simple. Because the man who remains interested respects you and likes you for who you are, and a relationship with him is therefore worth exploring. A woman with a high level of self-worth has the self-control to wait until both the relationship and the time are right before going to the next level.
Dating Expert and speaker Marcia Augustine is the author of Emotional Wavelengths: How to Tune In Marriage to Mr. Right (available from www.emotionalwavelengths.com). Marcia conducts Emotional Wavelengths seminars and is currently working on her second book, Hooked! What to Do When You Can't Stay Out of His Bed and You Can't Get Him Out of Your Head.