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1.11 He wrote me! He wrote me! He wrote me!!! OMIGOD! What do I do?

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This article is from the Internet Personals: Advice for Gay Men FAQ, by Fred Young nssf@greatwildwest.net and Dean Esmay esmay@syndicomm.com with numerous contributions by others.

1.11 He wrote me! He wrote me! He wrote me!!! OMIGOD! What do I do?

Simmer down. All the gentleman did was think your ad was
interesting and send you some e-mail. He's not ready to jump into
your arms. He's just given you a nibble. It's up to both of you
to make it work from here. And remember, if this doesn't work
out, there will be others, if you have a good ad and are just
patient!

Here are some important things to keep in mind:

Don't question it: he is interested in you, or he wouldn't have
answered your ad. So, get over your insecurities. He's a gay (or
bi) man looking for a man, and you sound interesting to him. Now
you just have to see whether you're interested in him, and whether
there's enough of what he wants in you to sustain his interest.

But here's the important thing: be patient. Yeah, once you get a
response, you have to be patient again.

Don't push to get his phone number. Don't push for a face-to-face
meeting. Don't whine about your personal problems.

Instead, be positive, be friendly, and be polite. Ask him about
himself, and tell a bit more about yourself. Listen to what he
wants. Ask him questions. Encourage him to ask you about
anything he might be curious about. Find out about him without
being nosy -- don't ask for his address.

Don't pester him with lots of e-mail. If he takes a couple of
days to respond to one of your letters, sit on your fingers and
wait. If it's been more than three or four days, you might try
one letter to the effect of "hey, where'd you go?" but that's it.
If you don't hear anything more, either he doesn't want to talk to
you, or he's not reading his e-mail anymore.

Keep this in mind: it's scary to go away for a few days and to
come back and find a dozen plaintive, "Oh, where oh where did you
go?" letters. It just makes you look desperate and weird.

All in all, the most important thing to remember in this situation
is that it is easy to scare someone away, especially if he is not
completely comfortable about his sexual orientation. If he thinks
you're a weirdo, or a psychotic, or a pathetic, lonely loser, he's
going to walk away. (And by the way, if you are a pathetic,
lonely loser, stop it. Find something else to do with your time
and realize that the only way you're going to get a partner is if
you stop assuming you'll never get one.)

Now, besides all this, you need to remember something even more
important: you both need time for a relationship to develop, so
you actually have something to talk about when finally you do
meet. Rushing to meet someone and suddenly finding you have
nothing to talk about can be very uncomfortable.

If you are an impatient man, you might as well not bother posting.
You'll get nowhere.

 

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previous page: 1.10 I posted my ad over and over again and never got much response. What gives?
  
page up: Internet Personals: Advice for Gay Men FAQ
  
next page: 1.12 Anything I should look out for?