Description
This article is from the Good Things About
Having Kids FAQ, by Benjamin V.C. Collins,
collins@campus.mlc.edu with numerous contributions by others.
46 Good Having Kids Answer
The problem is, since you don't have kids, you can't possibly *really*
understand what it's like TO have kids before you do it. I know that's an
obvious statement - but it's so true. I can look back and now see that
I had no clue what it was like to be a parent. It's just a feeling that is not
really describable. I certainly do NOT say, "If I had it to do over again, I
wouldn't do it." I'm SOOOOO glad I did do it (but then, I never really ever
had any questions about whether to have kids or not). And this is not to
say that I'm a "natural", because I don't think I am. I was never really
*drawn* to babies and other people's children before I had kids.
|> However, I
|>*can* imagine the joy in having a little one look up at you with
|>wonderment as he puts his hand in yours or the baby who gives you a great
|>big smile just when you need it most or the older child who is all excited
|>by the book you gave her for Christmas that was *just* what she wanted.
Well, I don't know if you can *really* imagine. :-) I know you can imagine
that it would be great, but the "great" that it is is so much better than what
you can imagine, that you can't imagine it!! :-) :-) Now, was that clear?!?
:-)
My first child, a son, died about a year and a half ago, at age 23 months (of
leukemia). I remember once thinking, would it have been better if Aaron had
not survived at birth or something like that? He was a preemie, and had
troubles in early life. And the answer is a resounding NO. The immense pain
of losing him does not outweigh the immense joy of having him. Sometimes
it's hard to focus on the joy, since I am left with the pain as the last
event of his life. I don't know if that helps, but the feelings I have
for my children overwhelm me daily. I think about my own mother
differently. I feel very bad for times I made her worry. It must be
the hardest thing to let your children grow up and make their own way and
decisions. I'm so involved now with my daughter, that it already makes
me ache to think of "letting her go." Now, maybe that sounds bad, but
it's really not. It's no lie that by becoming a parent, you do set
yourself up for possible pain.
I've often thought about the unconditional love your child has for you.
It's so pure, and so wonderful.
|>Thank you in advance for any more stories, even if you have already
|>posted on this topic. Please, though, no flames for being indecisive on
|>this issue!
Don't worry - no flames here. It's something you should definitely think
about! I realize for some people, they just always know, but there's
nothing wrong with thinking long and hard about it. I highly recommend
it, though!
Terrie Linker
Mama to Aaron Keith (6/29/91-6/3/93)
and Katelyn Suzanne (5/4/93)
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